On Independence Day when we had a family barbecue, K was there with baby H. There was some kind of internal instinct that made me want to hold him. When I started to walk toward H, the tears welled up in my eyes.
Now today was the day to bless H at church. Baby blessings nearly always happen the first Sunday of each month. I haven't gone to church that day for a long time, and I didn't again today. I wanted to be there to support K, but I started to cry getting ready, just thinking about attending H's baby blessing.
I still can't. I wish I could.