An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

I Still Can't

When I found out my niece was expecting, I decided this was my opportunity to truly move on and be an active part of my grand-nephew's life. I wanted to go visit while K was still off work, but every time I went to call to see if it was a good time to come, I couldn't.

On Independence Day when we had a family barbecue, K was there with baby H. There was some kind of internal instinct that made me want to hold him. When I started to walk toward H, the tears welled up in my eyes. 

Now today was the day to bless H at church. Baby blessings nearly always happen the first Sunday of each month. I haven't gone to church that day for a long time, and I didn't again today. I wanted to be there to support K, but I started to cry getting ready, just thinking about attending H's baby blessing. 

I still can't. I wish I could.