An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Monday, August 22, 2016

New School, Same Old Question

I spent from May 2015 to April 2016 working on a campaign for president of my union, only to lose 47-53%.  After applying for a couple of district level jobs, I accepted a transfer to a different elementary school teaching sixth grade.  I know the principal, secretary, and two teachers at this school.

I know I needed a change, but this has been harder than I expected.  We had three days of training last week.  I quietly pointed out a spelling error on a handout to the person who presented that section (which I would have wanted from someone if that had been me), and she sent me a lengthy email that she was offended.  Then, every time I sat by someone new I was asked, "So how many kids do you have?"  This transition has been hard, because I don't know these people, and they don't know me. 

The first time I was asked, I explained that we didn't have children and some of what we went through.  The second time, I just said we were never able to have any.  The third time, I said I hadn't seen my class list yet, so I didn't know.  The follow up question then was, "No, your own children." I responded with, "None."

I really just needed to get this frustration down in writing.  Nothing can be done.  I know relationships are important in all areas of life. I just didn't think that I would have to answer that same old question so many times in three days.


Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Purpose

Have any of you had a hard time with finding a purpose for life when you become CF?  I am facing that right now.  For the last six years, I have worked in a job where I was an advocate for students and teachers.  That job ended last week and I am feeling a little lost.  I felt my purpose was to help create laws and policies that help students learn and teachers teach.  Now that I will not be advocating any longer in a formal role, I am trying to figure out how I can continue to do so. 

So many people find their purpose in parenting.  That can't be my purpose since we are not parents.  The word "children" appears 19 times in my Patriarchal blessing.  I thought that meant being a mom.  I have been a teacher for 23 years, so that could refer to all of the children I have influenced as a teacher. 

I have chosen to transfer to a different school for next year.  I will be teaching in a low-income, highly-transient school.  I think my purpose now is to be the great, experienced teacher the kids at this school need.

On a related note, DH and I are in a place where we don't really have anything left to look forward to.  We both have great careers, a nice home, and the funds to purchase or do what we want to do.  This has a side effect of our not having any more goals. 

I had to put this in writing, but I'm not sure it has really cleared my head on it.  I have spent some time crying and praying, trying to figure out what is next.  I will proceed and see how things go.