An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I'm Not Ready for That

The LDS Church is run by lay clergy and volunteers from within the congregations.  Every member is given a calling to assist in running each ward or stake.

On Sunday, someone in the bishopric asked to talk to me.  I have a calling as ward organist.  This calling is very easy for me and doesn't require much time out of attending church and playing the organ.  The bishopric said they couldn't have someone else play the organ and wanted me to have a second calling.  I have no problem with that.  Then he said something about having a hard time staffing in Primary, the organization for children ages 18 months to 11 years old.  I thought it would be to play the piano for singing time, but it wasn't.  He wanted me to teach the Sunbeams class, the 3-year-olds. 

Out of nowhere, my eyes welled up with tears and I said, "I'm not ready for that."  He said he understood and was aware of our struggle to become parents.  I feel badly, because we are taught we should accept any calling that comes to us.

Just when I think I am fine with our decision, and I really am, something like this happens, and I realize I am still mourning the loss of the children I will not have.