An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Still Bothered

So I was reading the LDS Ensign magazine that comes out monthly.  I usually like reading the uplifting articles about Jesus Christ, about LDS church members in other areas of the world, or about other member experiences.  This month there was an article titled "Challenges, Miracles, and Testimonies", which is about a man who had cancer, he and has wife had a son already, and they miraculously had twin girls about three years after his last TX. 

He writes, "Yes, we experienced difficult challenges, but we’ve also experienced miraculous blessings. We feel we would be ungrateful if we did not share our testimonies that living the gospel helps us deal with our challenges. We know that all stories do not unfold like ours did. Nevertheless, we all can be blessed to know God’s plan for our lives through the confirming witness of the Holy Ghost. Our testimonies are founded on truth, not whether miracles follow." 

I know we experienced miracles.  DH is alive and well, he survived septic shock, his doctor didn't give him the last scheduled chemo TX when she knew he was too weak to handle it, we have a happy life together, but I am still bothered that some who had similar trials end up with a miracle baby or more.  At Christmas, we received a card from a family where the husband had a BMT about a week before DH.  They had two kids at the time.  Now 11 years later, surprise, they have another baby.

DH brought this up again yesterday, as it was our 19th anniversary.  We were talking about all the life we had been through, and he said, "But I still couldn't give you a baby."  Living CF does get easier with time, but sometimes, I'm still bothered.

On a side note, our anniversary was very nice.  We went to church, spent time talking, and went to dinner at a very nice restaurant in Salt Lake called the Grand American Garden Cafe.


  1. Congratulations on 19 years together! No small feat, especially after what you have been through. And I couldn't resist looking at the menu of the restaurant you went to, and now I'm drooling all over the keyboard!

    I think if you believe in miracles, these things must be even harder to deal with. Because then there's the whole issue of fairness / justice that I don't have to face, because I believe the world is inherently unfair. So I can imagine that it must be doubly hard reading things like this, when normally you read the magazine for inspiration and comfort.

    I do think though that that man needs a healthy dose of humility!

    Sending hugs.

    1. Thank you, Mali! I agree that the world is inherently unfair, because we are all human, and things happen. That belief is part of what has helped us move to being happy in our CF life. I just wish I wouldn't let people and what they say or write bother me!

  2. Happy Anniversary! As a woman who has been married 13 years without kids, I can say that I understand completely. I often feel so bad that I can't give my husband a kiddo of his own, however, I am always so glad for the time that we do have together and that I have time to spend with just him. Also, I'd love to invite you to our online support group if you'd care to join us...We are on facebook at Childless Mormon Support Group for Women...and we'd also invite you to check out our website at :)

    1. Katie,
      Thank you for sharing the resources. I am not on Facebook, but I did look at the website. From what I saw, it is great! I see that it has been up for just over a year. When we were actively in TX and trying to adopt from 2007 to 2013, I couldn't find any childless Mormon support. That is why I started this blog. I wanted to let others know that there are some of us out there, active Mormon women living full, complete lives without children.

      I will start following your website!

  3. I have enjoyed reading a few of your blog posts. My wife and I have been married for 20 years last month. When we are at our daily jobs, it doesn't bother us very much that we don't have children. When it comes to Sunday and holidays we are always reminded, by watching others, that we can't have kids. We have both even had callings in the primary, but for me it made it worse. It gets really hard sometimes. My wife takes it harder than I do, but I still feel like I have failed in some way. I felt better reading your blog and knowing that others have similar feelings and trials.

    I am in pathway right now, finishing the religion course of "Proclamation to the world" and it is very hard to get through as everything relates to families.

    1. Hi Alan,

      I'm glad this blog has helped. Maintaining activity in the church can be difficult when you cannot have children. I was asked to teach the Sunbeams, and I turned it down. I told the bishop I was just not ready.

      The "Proclamation to the World" is wonderful and we can find a lot of good in it. Just remember that you and your wife became a family the day you were married. You are a family of two, and that is valid type of family.