An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

To go to a Baby Shower?

My youngest cousin, who is 27 and married last September, is PG and the baby shower is next Saturday.  I am debating about going.  I have only been to one baby shower in the last 7 years.  It was a coworker and the shower was at lunch, a drop-in, open house style.  I gave money to another coworker who bought the gift.  I only had to stop in, pick up some food, greet everyone, and leave.

This new invitation is for my youngest cousin.  Her three other sisters have children.  I went to baby showers for the oldest two, but we were in the midst of IF TX when the third one had her shower.  I just couldn't go.  I'm not sure if I can handle this yet.  My mom offered to buy a gift and said she understood if I didn't want to go.  I truly appreciate that.  I'm leaning toward not going.

DH and I have actually been talking a bit about our CF life lately.  Things people have said recently are bugging him.  Our neighbor said something to him like, "Well, since you decided not to have kids . . ."  DH was mad!  He said, "How dare he make that assumption."  He was also very bothered with a recent news story of a baby found in a dumpster.  He doesn't say much, so we have talked about these incidents that have happened recently. 

Anyway, that's what is happening in my CF world right now.


  1. Only go to the shower if you think you can handle it. It seems to me (we don't have them in New Zealand) that showers are probably lively events, with lots of talking and activity, so would the mom-to-be even notice if you weren't there? And then you could send a gift with a note afterwards that would be appreciated, I'm sure.

    I know too that precisely at the time I felt I was coming to terms with not having kids, my husband started talking about how sad he was about it. It was as if he waited to know that I was OK before he could allow himself to feel and express his feelings.

    1. Thank you, Mali. A shower is a party, usually with food, silly games, and gifts, all while everyone is doting on the mother-to-be. They are usually held when the mom is about 7 months along, so she will be showing.

      Mali, thanks for sharing about your DH. It is odd that he is bringing these topics up now, but what you said makes sense. He wanted to make sure I had come to terms before he did.

  2. I wouldn't go. If the cousin loves you, she will understand.

    1. Klara,

      Thanks. That is how I'm feeling.

  3. I have never skipped a shower -- but there were times I sure wish I had. :p If you go, can you find someone to sit with who might be up for talking about more than babies & labour stories? If you don't, don't sweat it. You're right, you probably will not be missed in all the hubbub. Just send a gift with your mom & your best wishes, and then go do something nice for yourself instead. :)