An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

"Why Didn't You?"

I am a mentor to a new teacher.  While he is new to the profession, he is 40, so he does have some life experience.  We were talking on Friday about a training he attended and how he would like to share that information with the other teachers on the staff.  He was asking my advice on how to approach our principal.  We talked for a while, then he asked if I had ever considered becoming a principal.  I told him that quite a few years ago (like 7-8), I did look in to the administrator programs at three local universities.  I told him which one I liked best. 

He then asked, "Why didn't you?"  I paused for a moment to consider my answer.  I realized and said that I did not pursue an administrator certificate, because I was waiting for the baby that never came.  He, of course, asked if we had thought about adoption.  I explained that over the course of seven years, we had spent tens of thousands of dollars on treatments to become PG and on becoming approved for adoption, a failed adoption, and renewing our adoption HS.  He then said, "I'm so sorry.  I had no idea." 

We closed our adoption file a year ago this week.  Since then, I have been approached about running for president of my state education association in two years.  I have had to adjust my life to reflect my CF status and think that taking advantage of this opportunity in my career would be great!  I could go back to school to become an administrator, but I feel the association path is the right one for me at this time.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Consolation Prize

DH and I went to the dentist for our 6-month cleaning.  He hates the dentist, so the hygenist who knows him and has worked on him takes care of him.  I get the new hygenist.  She is trying to make small talk, which always bugs me at the dentist, because you can't respond.  Anyway, she asks about what I do (teacher), how long I've lived in the area (my whole life), etc. She then proceeds to tell me about their move here from Idaho for her husband's job, about her teenagers, etc.  Then she says, "So are you a mom?"  When I replied with, "No, I'm not," she goes on and on about how I can be a mom to my students and influence them.

Teaching is my career, and one that I love!  While it is true that I am an influence on many students each year and have been for the past 22 years, it is not the same as being a mom.  I assign homework, but I don't get to help with homework.  I help students handle the bully on the playground, but I don't see how they use those skills as they go on in life.  I watch kids grow for a year, but I rarely see the adults they become.  I have stayed in touch with a few students over the years as they have matured in life, but their children are not my grandchildren.

I wish people would not see my career in teaching as the consolation prize for not being a mom.