"I'm not a mom." This phrase came out of my mouth last week. I was at physical therapy (stupid story - tore my ACL when I fell while working in my vegetable garden) and was talking to another lady there about her knee replacement. She teaches at the middle school where my sixth graders go when they leave me, so we talked for a bit about that.
At my next PT session, the PT was asking about teaching and how I could be at PT at 8:00 in the morning. I explained that I teach two days a week and work as the local association president two days a week, so I have a bit more flexibility on association days. She said, "That must be great as a mom." That is when I said it, without apologies or explanations. "I'm not a mom." The PT apologized and said she thought I was a mom, because she had previously heard me say I send my kids to the middle school teacher. I told her that teachers often refer to their students as "their kids".
I had a slight pang in my chest that I am not a mom, but I didn't feel the need to explain our situation. This is a huge step for me!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
My youngest cousin got married on Friday in the Salt Lake Temple. She was radiant and her new DH was so excited! The exterior and interior of the temple are so beautiful and the spirit that is there is peaceful. I am honored to hold a temple recommend so I can attend the temple, especially for weddings, which are called sealings in the temple. The ceremony is simple and powerful! The LDS Church believes we can be sealed to our families into the eternities, and that is expressed in the sealing ceremony.
The words "multiply and replenish the earth" are also in the ceremony. This was a commandment given to Adam and Eve as recorded in scriptures Genesis 1:28 and Moses 2:28. The LDS Church believes this commandment remains in force today, as described in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." My DH and I are not able to live this commandment. This is where I have some guilt about not trying to have children earlier in our marriage, before DH got leukemia.
There are so few couples who remain active in Church who cannot have children. I'm sure the guilt about their inability to "multiply and replenish the earth" has something to do with their becoming less active. Because there are so few couples who have been married 10+ years without children, it is hard to find a place within the Church.
Many people at Church compare a childless situation with that of those who have never married. While I can understand the sadness in not being married, the Church has singles wards and activities for those who are not married. Occasionally there is an article in the Ensign about infertility, but those stories seem to always end with parenthood.
The best reminder that came out of attending my cousin's sealing was the fact that a family is created when we are married. You do not have to be parents to have a family! This was what I held to so tightly when DH was sick, knowing that we are sealed for eternity made his leukemia trial bearable.