An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Last of the Adoption Journey

After our failed adoption, we broadened our outreach.  We added ParentProfiles, sent links to our online profiles to family and friends, and just let everyone know we were looking to adopt.  We had pretty steady interest through ParentProfiles, about one solid lead a month for 18 months, then the contacts stopped.  We had not leads through LDS Family Services in the four years we were approved.  When three months had passed since we had a lead through ParentProfiles, I started looking at the search capabilities that might be leaving us out.  It isn't a specific search, but once I hit 40 years old, prospective BPs were not contacting us any more.  I don't have evidence, just that nobody wanted to talk to us when both of us showed 40 in the age box on the About Us page.

So that is really where we ended.  We maintained our ParentProfiles account until we closed our adoption file, and we had no contacts through that site for the last two years we were on.

Making the decision to live CF was not easy, and it came over time.  We had been discussing it for about six months before really ending our journey to become parents.  All I know it that now there is a sense of peace surrounding our choice, a peace that hadn't been there for quite some time prior.

12 comments:

  1. Dear Jen,
    So appreciate your blog comment. Thanks, too, for sharing your journey ... all best, Pamela

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    1. Hi Pamela,

      I feel honored to have you comment on my blog. I have followed your blog anonymously for a long time. I have read "Silent Sorority" a couple of times as we have tried to find peace in our CF decision. Thank you for your leadership in the childless not by choice community!

      Jen

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  2. I'm sorry it happened like this, but glad to hear that you feel a degree of peace now.

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    1. Hi Mali,

      Thank you! I am so pleased to have you read my blog. I have read your No Kidding in NZ blog for a couple of years and have just recently been brave enough to comment. I appreciate your wisdom!

      Jen

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  3. Hey I live in Utah too! Hi neighbor! I'm not mormon but am very familiar with the culture and I can imagine it would be very difficult to be childfree in that particular culture. Sorry adoption was not a successful path, stories like yours are why my husband and I have never pursued adoption. Hoping you find your peace

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    1. Hi Erin,

      Glad you found the blog! I love hearing from my Utah neighbors. Living in Utah, you can't help but be aware of the Mormon culture. I hope you and your husband are able to find the path that is right for you.

      Jen

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  5. Thank you Jen for sharing. It has really meant a lot to me to connect with someone else who is childfree not by choice.

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  6. I am finding myself constantly amazed by the difficult life experiences people have gone through and come out the other side being more peaceful with childfree. The more I read, the more aware I am becoming of so many heartbreaking issues surrounding this life challenge. Thank you for sharing your story and showing those of us facing the decision that there is peace on the other side.

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  7. Thank you for posting this. My husband is 41 and I am almost 39.We just called it quits on adoption (after several failed ones) and made that incredibly difficult decision to go CF. Like you, we feel peace about it, and it was so good to read of someone else who is feeling peace about it, too. There aren't many of us out there.

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  8. Does anyone have a Facebook support group? I would love to join if anyone does! We need to totally rally around and support each other. This is not an easy journey, and it is easy to feel so alone.

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    1. I am not on Facebook, but there is this group. That is why I started the blog. I found that website, but when I saw it was on Facebook, I again felt left out. (I have no desire to be on FB).

      http://childlessmormons.yolasite.com/support-group.php

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