An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Last of the Adoption Journey

After our failed adoption, we broadened our outreach.  We added ParentProfiles, sent links to our online profiles to family and friends, and just let everyone know we were looking to adopt.  We had pretty steady interest through ParentProfiles, about one solid lead a month for 18 months, then the contacts stopped.  We had not leads through LDS Family Services in the four years we were approved.  When three months had passed since we had a lead through ParentProfiles, I started looking at the search capabilities that might be leaving us out.  It isn't a specific search, but once I hit 40 years old, prospective BPs were not contacting us any more.  I don't have evidence, just that nobody wanted to talk to us when both of us showed 40 in the age box on the About Us page.

So that is really where we ended.  We maintained our ParentProfiles account until we closed our adoption file, and we had no contacts through that site for the last two years we were on.

Making the decision to live CF was not easy, and it came over time.  We had been discussing it for about six months before really ending our journey to become parents.  All I know it that now there is a sense of peace surrounding our choice, a peace that hadn't been there for quite some time prior.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

It's a Girl!

More about our journey.

About a week after our adoption approval, my SIL called to talk to DH.  Our BIL is bishop of his ward and had a member of the ward come to him about an employee he had whose girlfriend was PG, and they were looking to place the baby for adoption.  The member wanted my BIL to help connect them with LDS Family Services.  Instead, they called us to ask if we were interested.

Over the next couple of weeks, we went back and forth through my BIL, but that became cumbersome, so the member, who was also an attorney, started talking directly to us.  The couple, A and C, were expecting a baby girl the end of July.  They actually did talk to LDS Family Services, but did not sign up with them.  We started contact via email with A and C.  We decided to meet at a public library.

The meeting went very well, and while they were quite different from us, they seemed ready to proceed.  C let me feel the baby move, which I hadn't done for years and have not done since.  As we were walking out together, A told DH that they wanted $5,000 for the baby.  DH said he would look into it.  As we left, DH commented that he felt C was carrying our baby.  We had been told this happens when we went to the adoption training classes, and we didn't believe it!  Now we felt it, and we understood.

We asked questions of our SW and then retained an attorney who specializes in family law with an emphasis on adoption.  He drew up preliminary paperwork and he worked with A and C's attorney, A's boss, on our paying for living expenses.  We paid rent, utilities, and groceries for May and June.  I was able to attend a couple of doctor appointments with C and heard the baby's heartbeat.  We talked about the types of activities C had been involved in and what she would like for her baby girl.

DH's family knew about the match since we found A and C through our BIL.  I told my mom the end of June, and she and I went to register at Babies R Us.  This was the only time my mom has been able to do that since my brother lives out of state.  We looked at everything, and I did purchase a stroller/car seat combination.  I knew we would need a car seat to bring the baby home, and everything else we could buy at the last minute.

We had previously scheduled a vacation for the last week of July.  Now that we had a baby due July 30, we changed the vacation to the first week of July.  A and C knew where we were going, had our cell phone numbers, and they were going to call if C went into labor while we were gone, and we would come home immediately.  We were about a 6-hour drive away.

After we returned from vacation, A and C quit answering phone calls, text messages, or emails from us, our attorney, or their attorney.  A did not show up to work.  Our attorney called their attorney.  He hadn't heard anything.  On July 20, our attorney called to say their attorney saw on FB that C had the baby July 17 and it looked like they were going to parent.  We were devastated!  A called us on the baby's due date, July 30, to tell us that C had decided to keep the baby, he wasn't happy about it, and they had been fighting over it. 

The next thing we knew, they had moved to another state to live with A's mom, taking with them the baby we felt was ours.  DH and I have talked a lot about this and feel that this experience jaded our future attempts to find an adoption match.  To this day, DH believes they left with our baby.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Glacier National Park

 I know it has been a while since I have posted.  We spent a week in Montana visiting Glacier National Park.  It was amazing!  We were able to drive Going-to-the-Sun Road twice, the second time in the evening, which made everything look different due to the light.  We saw a bear and a heard of big horn sheep.  We looked for mountain goats, but never saw one; however, I let my inner child out and purchased a stuffed goat!

We went for a few short hikes from the main locations.  It was just so beautiful and majestic!  If you haven't been to Glacier, I would highly recommend it.

 Wildflowers with Heaven's Peak

As we move to living childfree, I am trying to recognize the benefits of not having children in the things we do.  For this vacation, we did not have to worry about being somewhere to eat at a particular time, nor did have to worry about being to the motel to go to bed.  We were able to just do what we wanted to do and not have to meet the needs of children.  I don't want this to sound selfish, just that we appreciate the benefit of traveling childfree.
Glacier-made Canyon

We were able to switch up our plans a little bit and visit some other towns where there is great fly fishing nearby.  DH is a fly fisherman, and I am the photographer/videographer.  While I don't consider myself great at either, occassionally I will capture a scene just right!

Many Glacier Lodge and Lake