An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Back to My Story

I really wanted to start this blog with my story, but topics on living childfree have been coming up to interrupt.

After we were not approved to adopt and my former student chose another family, we went back to IUIs.  We had two months where I did not respond well and did our final IUI in January 2009.  We used the last four vials of DH's frozen sperm.  I had two great follicles and my estrodiol level was excellent!  It was, of course, a BFN. 

At this point our discussions about children changed.  We knew we would not have a child who was biologically related to us.  We talked about using donor sperm; however, that is discouraged by the LDS Church. "21.4.3 - Artificial Insemination - The Church strongly discourages artificial insemination using semen from anyone but the husband.  However, this is a personal matter that ultimately must be left to the judgment of the husband and wife.  Responsibility for the decision rests solely upon them."  DH did not want a child who was biologically related to me but not to him.  He preferred having a child who was not biologically related to either of us.

So, we went back to adoption.  We felt this was the only way we were going to become parents.  We reopened our adoption file with our same SW.  He asked what had changed over the previous year.  We explained we had used our resources and knew we could not have biological children, and DH was now five years post BMT, so his health should not be in question any longer.  

We were approved to adopt through LDS Family Services on May 5, 2009!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Answering THE Question

I spent the last week in Atlanta for work.  There were about 100 people from Utah who attended, most of whom I do not know well.  I usually only see them at monthly meetings.  There were times when we were riding the bus from the hotel to the conference center, eating dinner, or walking from place to place when we had time to talk.  Three times during the week I was asked THE question, "Do you have children?"  I know the people who asked were just making conversation and trying to get to know me better.

In the past, I have felt ashamed of my answer, that we couldn't have children.  This is the first time since we closed our adoption file that I have been asked THE question.  It was easier to answer THE question since we made decision to live childfree.  I was able to answer THE question calmly and without emotion. 

All of the people who asked were kind in their responses.  These experiences gave me the confidence to know I can answer THE question without crying!  This is a huge step for me as we move to childfree living.