An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

"Parents' Votes Should Weigh More"

I am president of my local education association (union).  I was at a local school board meeting last night where the board was presenting the results of a survey of patrons about how to handle projected enrollment growth for the next 10 years.  Of the nearly 8000 responses, about 1700 came from people without children in the system.  This included those with preschool children, those whose children are grown, and those like us who are childfree.

At one point, options like portable classrooms, year-round schools, pocket busing, and double sessions were addressed.  One woman in the audience said that on these topics, "Parents' votes should weigh more".  Basically she was saying that those of us without children in the system probably chose the worst option because whatever the board decided wouldn't impact us. 

Her statement made me angry.  I'm sure those who have young children thought about what they would want for their children in the future, those with grown children voted based on raising their children, and those who are childfree thought about our experiences in school, as my DH did, or how it would impact me as a teacher.  Just because we don't have children doesn't mean we can't have a logical opinion on a decision that would impact children.  Very frustrating!

Friday, June 21, 2013

In the Meantime

Returning to my story.

I am a sixth grade teacher.  I love my job!  I am fortunate to stay in contact with some students, watch them grow, graduate, and go on to college.  I have received high school and college graduation announcements and have been to a few weddings for former students.  
In the midst of our IUIs, I emailed a former student, M, I had been in contact with over the years, but from whom I hadn’t heard anything for a few months.  I asked her how her senior year of high school was going and if she was still on the drill team.  M emailed back that she was four months PG and planning to place the baby for adoption.  I immediately saw possibilities.  I emailed her back and told her we had been investigating adoption.  I called her mom to see how firm in her decision her mom thought she was.  Her mom said she didn’t know at this point, but M was leaning toward placing.

M asked me to tutor her for the math portion of the high school graduation test.  I agreed.  I saw her PG.  We worked through the math and talked about the baby.  She said she would consider us as possible parents.  I thought the situation was perfect.  DH had concerns, because we had a teacher/student relationship and ongoing friendship.

We returned to LDS Family Services to apply.  We worked on the paperwork and attended the classes.  We had our friends and bishop write letters of recommendation.  We went through couple and individual interviews.  The SW came to our home.  In the end, the SW had some concerns about our ages (36 and 37), my lack of relationship with my dad who left when I was six, and that DH was only 3 ½ years post bone marrow transplant.  

M eventually chose another couple.  She told me it was because she is Baptist and did not want her baby raised Mormon.  If she had wanted us to raise her baby, I would have pushed the SW to approve us.  Nevertheless, we went through the entire adoption process only to not be approved.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Father's Day

Father's Day is different for us than Mother's Day.  We have no fathers to celebrate.  DH's dad passed away in 2005, and both of his grandfather's had died before we ever met.  My grandpa passed in 2008, and since my parents are divorced, my dad hasn't been part of my life for over 30 years.  We had a quiet day, sleeping in, and visiting DH's mom.  We still didn't go to church.  It wasn't as difficult as Mother's Day, because Father's Day has been hard for years for other reasons.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

More IUIs

A couple of months later, we started with IUIs again.  I was on Clomid, my follicles were monitored, I used an OPK, and at the right moment, DH gave me the Ovidrel shot.  The first month I didn’t respond, so we waited and I took more Clomid.  The next month things looked  great:  two beautiful follicles and 3.4 million good sperm, but still a BFN.  The next month things looked even better:  five good follicles and 3.5 million good sperm, with another BFN.  Two months later, with two awesome follicles and 5.2 million sperm, I was sure that was our month, but it was not.
We decide to take a break for a few months, because I was emotionally and physically exhausted.