An LDS perspective on moving from childless to childfree living.

Monday, May 6, 2013

In the Beginning

After the leukemia and necessary chemo and radiation, we knew we were going to require assistance to have a baby.  The 11 vials of frozen sperm were being stored at the University of Utah, so we found an RE there and scheduled an appointment.  I was 36.  The doctor did not speak English very well.  I know he was trying to explain our options, but neither of us understood him.  We decided to start with IUI with one vial of sperm thawed.  I was given clomid and used an OPK to determine when I was ovulating and scheduled the IUI appointment.  

We were disappointed that the sperm did not survive well.  There ware about 3 million.  We went ahead, because the sperm from that one vial were thawed, and we did not want to waste them.  I felt great!  Over the course of the next two weeks, my breasts grew big and tender, and I was a little queasy.  I was convinced I was PG.  At the end of the 2WW, the PG test was negative.  How could that be?  I was so naïve to think that I would become PG on the first attempt.  

The next month was similar, only this time we had two vials of sperm thawed, thinking that if there were more sperm, a PG would be more likely.  It was worse!  Out of those two vials, there were less than 1 million sperm.  I never thought I was PG during this 2WW, and the PG test confirmed that.

What was wrong?  I am very type-A and driven.  I have been able to achieve anything I have set my mind to with hard work and perseverance.  Like Pamela Tsigdinos wrote in Silent Sorority, “Have I mentioned that I’m not accustomed to failure?  Not that I was any kind of super achiever, but I was raised to believe that hard work, perseverance and playing by the rules sooner or later paid off.”

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